Miscommunication?

It's not really anyone's fault. We each left things unsaid.

Okay, a little background . . . my S.O. and I and some friends regularly go to this club. Last night was one of their special nights, they call Love & Bondage. You know, whips, leather, screaming . . . it's all good. I'm really into this . . . him not so much.

I had made special arrangements to have my vacation scheduled to start that day, so I wouldn't have to worry about working the next day. Had everything ready to go. I was very disappointed that one couple I know couldn't attend, but was determined to have fun anyway. My S.O., K, wasn't really feeling up to going, but friends had asked if he was coming and I really wanted him to go, so I talked him into coming anyway.

Miscommunication #1: He apparently did not know it was L&B night, even though he is just as capable of looking at a calendar as I am, and, hint hint, I was wearing my collar. (Yes I am somewhat submissive, but I don't belong to anyone at the moment, and if I choose to wear a collar I will and it's none of your business if I choose to do so. Okay?) I don't wear it very often at all, these are some of the few nights I do.

(Sidenote: I'm discovering I really like being the one administering the swats too. Interesting.)

Miscommunication #2: One of our friends had made the statement on several occasions that she really wanted to see K and hoped he would come up and join us at the club. He doesn't come that often anymore. This was apparently interpreted in more than a friendly way by him and was the cause of some disappointment. That's all I'm going to say about that.

So, at the beginning of the evening I'd been contemplating asking a very lovely Lady if she would like to be very mean to me, but things happened and while I did have fun, it didn't go as I would have liked. Who knows, I probably would have chickened out before asking her anyway.

More things about me

1. I have three cats, Mattie May, Jezebel Lou, and Gracie Jean Marie (those are their long names, the ones I yell when they're being bad.)
2. I have three fish, Fred and Ethel, who are goldfish, and Alfie, the algae eater.
3. I've had many cats, two Scottish terriers, a hampster, and a guinea pig.
4. I like coffee, good coffee, but I've been drinking mostly green tea lately.
5. My mood changes like the wind.
6. I don't usually eat breakfast.
7. I could live on pizza.
8. I like things spicy, but not too hot, but not everything.
9. I like to cook and bake, but I hate to clean up.
10. I don't like really hot humid weather.
11. I love to be touched.
12. I love intense sensation.
13. I'm ticklish, but I can control my response to it.
14. I usually think with my heart first, my head second.
15. I'm not at all organized.
16. I never picked up my senior yearbook from high school.
17. I'll re-read a favorite book many times.
18. I'm afraid that I will always like people more than they like me.
19. I don't like asking for help.
20. I'm afraid of rejection.

Something fun and interesting

A friend introduced me to OKCupid a little while ago. It's a fun site where you can take quizzes people make up, answer questions to determine your compatibility with other people, have a profile and pictures, and connect with people and make friends.

It's free and fun, if you like that kind of thing. Maybe, if you ask me nicely, I'll give you the link so you can see my profile.

Yay!

Cedar Point was fun. I hadn't been there in years. It wasn't a perfect day, but it was, if you know what I mean. Yes it was hot, humid, and rained off and on, but I got to spend time with the greatest people. Rode a few rides, walked a lot, people-watched, got soaked in the rain and twice on Thunder Canyon. I'm still a bit tired and sore, but it was so worth it. I had a blast, people!

Hi, missed me?

Not too much going on lately. Been working a lot and looking for a new job. Went out last night and had much fun. I met a nice couple, the woman was really cute and very cool, and I got her phone number. Woohoo!!! Tomorrow I'm going to Cedar Point with some friends, which should be very cool. I'm also hoping to make up for some past missed opportunities in the coming weeks.

People I would not kick out of my bed

• Vin Diesel
• Brad Pitt
• Angelina Jolie
• John Cusak
• Gwen Stefani
• Jon BonJovi
• Kevin Spacey
• Jessica Alba
• Chad Kroeger
• Toby Keith
• Kenney Chesney

Things I've been thinking about

• finding a new job
• my relationships with people
• various forms of kink
• what is my kink? Do I have one?
• playing
• getting organized
• what I would like to write about

As you can see, I'm kind of scattered at the moment. Nothing seems to be gelling into a coherent post. Ah well, there's always tomorrow.

Bek's photo assignment

I was going to do this anyway, since Mysti pointed it out, but after a direct request, who can resist?

This is a picture of Mackinac Bridge in Michigan. That is pronounced Mack-in-aw, not Mack-in-ack. It connects the upper peninsula to the lower part of Michigan. It is really long and fun to drive over, which I think I've done at least four times, if not more. My family and I used to go camping a lot. Often in Michigan and Minnesota. And I've taken the ferry twice to Mackinac Island, where no cars are allowed. Most things on the island are delivered by horse or bike. And there's a fort. Lots of neat historical stuff. It's all so beautiful. But I wouldn't go swimming in the lake, too cold.

My thoughts and prayers are with you

To all the people in London and people everywhere coping with and fighting terrorism, my thoughts, prayers and energy are in your direction. I can hope for better things to come, but my cynical nature tells me that those who wish harm on others will not change any time soon.

I know....

I haven't posted in a while. It was a busy weekend, work and picnics. And I'm trying to catch up on housework I've neglected. Also the search for a better job goes on. There are a few possibilities, but I'd be so much better off if I lived in a bigger city. Maybe I'll write a story or something to post. I'll even take requests or suggestions.

One word . . .

I saw this on another journal, thought it might be fun.

Please leave a one-word comment that you think best describes me.
It can only be one word.
No more.
Then copy & paste this in your journal so that other people may leave a word about you.

Also, if I don't know you, please introduce yourself.

More question fun with Mysti

Ok, to recap, for those of you just now joining us, I'm answering questions put to me by fellow bloggers. Anyone can join in at any time. You don't even have to have a blog.

Now, more from Mysti:

If you were to be blindfolded and led to a room where all you could smell was leather.. how would you react? ;)

Oh wow......the smell of leather is such a turn-on. I'd probably be breathing in the smell deeply and getting pretty wet. But you knew that didn't you, you little minx.

If money were no object and you were told to buy an outfit that was extremely sexy and that would turn you on just by wearing it.. what would that outfit look like?

A really nice leather corset, full bust, but low cut v, low back, black, and a nice above the knee leather skirt. Black fishnets. Some nice, high, stripper boots, black. And a nice, wide black leather collar with fancy stitching and one large ring at the front. My hair would be piled on the top of my head to better accentuate the collar and neckline of the corset. Maybe wear wrist and ankle cuffs, or at least wrist.

The phone rings... it's a fictional character that is calling for a long deep conversation... which fictional character is it?

No question, it's Lazarus Long. But why he'd want to talk to me, I have no clue.

It's the morning after.. and a lover who you were with... who was not all that great in bed asks you to be honest and tell him/her what you thought of his/her perfomance.. what do you say?

If it was our first time together I may not say anything and give it a second try. If, after that, it was still not that great, I might gently tell them that we just weren't compatible in that way. I wouldn't want to hurt their feelings, but I would tell them what I'd like to do differently. But, if, after all that, it still wasn't working, then let them know it wouldn't happen again.

More answers for Bek

Our Bek is a curious girl. I think I'll have to come up with some questions soon for her. But for right now, answers to her most recent inquiries.

And if any more of you have questions for me, leave a comment or email me. Thanks. Love ya.

1. What, if anything, would you change about yourself, physical or otherwise?

Okay, I like being a curvy girl, but if I could I'd lose about 45 lbs. more and have my skin be all tight and not saggy. I'm doing good though. I'm down to 210, from being way up at 275.

2. When was the last time you cried? What happened that made you cry?

The last time I really cried, and I'm talking more than a little eye-watering, was probably during my last down cycle, being depressed. Maybe a month, month and a half ago. I don't remember why, but it could have been any little thing that set it off. I try not to remember why I cry.

3. Do you believe in love at first sight?

I'm not sure. Attraction at first sight, sure. Love takes a while. I've been known to give my heart away too easily, so I'm more guarded lately.

Answers for Bek

If people were a rainbow of colors what color would you be and why?

I would be red for my hair, green for my Irish ancestry, purple because it's my other favorite color, silver because it is beautiful and pure, and black for lovely, lovely leather.

On the subject of "what would you be", if you were a food what would you be and why?

I would be, now don't laugh, cheese. Stop Laughing! No, I'd be cheese, because there is such a variety of it. Different kinds for different purposes. Different flavors. I think it fits, because my personality has many facets.

What was your biggest heartbreak as a child?

I'd have to say that would be when my Aunt and Uncle (dad's brother) divorced. I was maybe twelve? She was like my second mother. I spent so many summers at her house, she babysat a lot of kids. Turns out he'd been having an affair for quite a while. I hated him for the longest time and wouldn't talk to him. But everyone gets along now. It's in the past.

As an adult (so far)?

Being lied to by someone I thought I knew. I may not be 100% truthful 100% of the time, who is? But I've never lied about such a fundamental aspect of my life. I'd say telling me, and all the rest of my friends, that you're single when you're actually married is a pretty fucking big deal.

What was your most embarassing moment up until now?

I think when I fainted in front of a tenth grade class after giving a speech.

How did you handle it?

Pretended it didn't happen.

Okay, So I could go on forever...Stop me, please...And just because I am not your friend does that mean I don't get tickles??

If I knew you weren't going to slap me for it, sure, I'd tickle you. You're cute.

Answers for Mysti

1. If you could choose one person.. living or dead.. to invite for dinner.. who would it be.. and why?

Just one person? Living or dead, so must be a real person I guess. It's really hard to limit myself to one, so I'll say Robin Williams. Simply because whatever else, it would be entertaining. And I wouldn't have to worry about conversational skills or being intelligent enough because that guy can go on and on with no help. And I would videotape it.

2. What would be a perfect date to you?

The perfect date was meeting at a local coffee shop for the first time in real life. Arriving at practically the same time and walking in together. I can't remember what we ordered. I probably got an iced mocha latte and he a tall cranberry juice. Talking and talking. That first touch of his hand on mine. Leaving there towards closing and heading to a bar he knew. I was only 19, so I had some kind of fruity juice. More talking, but it was darker here. That first kiss was wonderful. Then after a while the barmaid told us to cut it out because some of the other (very few) patrons were uncomfortable.

A future perfect date might involve a nice dinner, good conversation, or it might involve me tied up and being whipped and otherwise tortured. Variety is the spice of life!

3. Island, beach, moutains, desert, flowerfilled field with a quiet stream rolling thru, or busy downtown city... which do you prefer most?

Oh, hard choice, for the most part. I could rank them from best to worst. Field with stream, island, mountains, beach, desert, city.

4. What is the most unusual website you'd admit to visiting?

Depends on what you mean by unusual. Weirdest right now would be Pointless Waste of Time. I've probably been to more unusual sites than that, but that's a current one.

5. Favorite guilty pleasures in the following categories: Music, food, movie, tv show, and piece of clothing?

Music: okay, I haven't done it in a loooong time, but I still have somewhere the complete New Kids on the Block tape collection, at least through Step by Step.

Food: really, really dark chocolate. The good stuff, expensive and heavenly. Not just Hershey's, but that will do in a pinch.

Movie: Empire Records.

TV Show: Iron Chef.

Clothing: lovely, long, swishy broomstick skirts.

Yay!

Woohoo!! I passed the 1000 unique visitor mark sometime today. I know, no big deal, right? But I think it's pretty cool. Go me.

One of my favorite mantras

"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind killer.
Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn my inner eye to see it's path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain."

-From Frank Herbert's Dune

For some situations, it really helps.

Hi there

So, for those of you who do check this blog regularly, and I know there aren't many, I have an assignment. Ask me some questions. Please. What do you want to know? What burning question lingers in your mind? I'm an open book. And I'll be really disappointed if you don't. I'll answer anything you ask, or if I can't for some reason, I will tell you why.

Thank you in advance for your participation.
(and for my friends, you better participate, or I'll tickle you)

Thank you

You know, I was thinking this morning that while there are many things in my life that still suck, I am really very, very happy at this time and place. I have the world's greatest friends, lots of love, and good times. My heart feels so full.

No Title, a story by me

(read as internal dialog in my mind)

It's dark. Wait, why is it so dark? What happened? I can't move. I can't move?!! Okay, don't panic. Think. Try and remember what happened.

I was at a party with some friends. Didn't know who's house it was, but it seemed alright. I never drink much, but I'd had a couple, and when someone handed me another I never questioned it. She seemed nice enough. . .

And that's the last thing I remember.

Breathe. Just breathe. It feels like I'm on some kind of bed, mattress anyway. My arms are pulled back behind my head. It feels like my legs are tied apart. Feels kind of cool in here, wherever here is. No wonder, my clothes are gone. And there is something over my eyes.

Light! Around the edges of the blindfold. Maybe someone is coming for me. I'm not sure that's such a good thing. Sound of a door opening. I can hear them breathing. I think they're right next to me. A hand trails up my leg, my torso. I gasp in shock at the touch. A deep voice says, "Don't speak. You will not speak unless asked a direct question," as he pinches and twists my nipple as if in punctuation. I try to turn away, but I can't because of the restraints. "You know it is useless to struggle, girl. So don't waste the effort, you'll need your energy."

What am I doing here? What is he going to do to me? I hear another voice. Sounds like a woman. Will she help me?

"Is she awake yet?"

"Yes. I think she's fully aware of things."

So much for hope of help. I'm so scared. Why am I here?

"Well. Lets make sure. Listen to me, girl. No one knows where you are. As far as your friends know, you left the party with a man you met here. No one is even looking for you yet. Maybe no one will. You will do as you are told, or you will be punished. You will not speak unless we ask you a direct question. We will keep you here as long as we like, and there is nothing you can do about it. Now, do you know who we are?"

As she said that, she took off the blindfold. "Yes. I know who you are. You're the couple who owns the house where the party was. I don't know your names." Oh no, no one knows where I am. No help. No hope of rescue.

"That's alright. You don't need to. Now be quiet."

They're on either side of me . . . touching me . . . running their hands up and down my body. I try so hard not to react. Look at something else. What can I see? It's a small room. White walls, door, and I think I can see a sink. Things in the walls, ceiling. Like hardware of some kind. God, I can't concentrate. This shouldn't feel so good. She's using her nails. Don't react. He's massaging my breasts. Pulling, pinching the nipples. Harder, harder. Ohhhh . . . I can't. Oh no. Hands between my legs. I'm not. I am. Wet. No sane person should enjoy this, right?

"Look here. The little slut is wet already. Let's not disappoint her."

He pulls out this thing from under the bed. A flogger, I think. He starts to brush it over my skin. So soft, almost gentle. Then suddenly he's smacking the inside of my thighs with it. It stings, feels heavy, doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would. But as he continues I can feel it's hot. Stinging, thudding. Hurting. So unreal. She's moving around by my head. I can't tell what she's doing. Suddenly I feel a hard pinch on one nipple, but it doesn't go away. Owww . . . Now the other one. I'm breathing so hard now. Pulse racing. And he's still flogging me. A pause. Before I can catch my breath, I scream. He's not flogging my thighs anymore. Right on my pussy lips! I can't stand it . . .

Right when I think I'll pass out from shock at what is happening it stops. Suddenly she's kissing me, full on the lips, I can feel her tongue. Somehow I can't help but kiss back. I don't know where these feelings are coming from, but I'm so hot and their hands feel so good on me after that flogging. He's on top of me now, my legs released, entering me hard. It should have hurt, but I'm so wet. Well it does hurt abit, but in a strange good way. My thighs and lips feel like they're on fire. And he's pounding against me. The clamps get taken off. Oh my nipples burn.There's a mouth on each of them now. What is wrong with me? Oh, I'm going to come! As I cry out, something inside me gives in. Pain, pleasure, so intertwined.

They let me sleep for a while. Then they come back and start over again. Pleasure and pain, and I can't stop it. Leather and rope. Spanking, pinching, slapping, caressing, feather-light touches over mybody. I'm made to do many things. Any hesitation is punished. Giving in is my only hope of salvation.

Later they say that they'll only keep me for the weekend. I don' t know whether to be disappointed or relieved. But they say I can come back if I want! As much as I want to resist it, I have to admit the possibilities are dazzlingly attractive. I have never felt so free and alive in being captive and unable to escape. It goes round in circles in my head, the intense pain and the beautiful pleasure, staying or fleeing.

Do I leave and never look back? Just tell myself I was forced to do those things. It wasn't really my fault. I couldn't get away.

Or do I return? If I do it is as much as admitting to myself what a little pain/pleasure-slut I really am.

I can't wait until next time.