Ok, to recap, for those of you just now joining us, I'm answering questions put to me by fellow bloggers. Anyone can join in at any time. You don't even have to have a blog.
Now, more from Mysti:
If you were to be blindfolded and led to a room where all you could smell was leather.. how would you react? ;)
Oh wow......the smell of leather is such a turn-on. I'd probably be breathing in the smell deeply and getting pretty wet. But you knew that didn't you, you little minx.
If money were no object and you were told to buy an outfit that was extremely sexy and that would turn you on just by wearing it.. what would that outfit look like?
A really nice leather corset, full bust, but low cut v, low back, black, and a nice above the knee leather skirt. Black fishnets. Some nice, high, stripper boots, black. And a nice, wide black leather collar with fancy stitching and one large ring at the front. My hair would be piled on the top of my head to better accentuate the collar and neckline of the corset. Maybe wear wrist and ankle cuffs, or at least wrist.
The phone rings... it's a fictional character that is calling for a long deep conversation... which fictional character is it?
No question, it's Lazarus Long. But why he'd want to talk to me, I have no clue.
It's the morning after.. and a lover who you were with... who was not all that great in bed asks you to be honest and tell him/her what you thought of his/her perfomance.. what do you say?
If it was our first time together I may not say anything and give it a second try. If, after that, it was still not that great, I might gently tell them that we just weren't compatible in that way. I wouldn't want to hurt their feelings, but I would tell them what I'd like to do differently. But, if, after all that, it still wasn't working, then let them know it wouldn't happen again.
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
More answers for Bek
Our Bek is a curious girl. I think I'll have to come up with some questions soon for her. But for right now, answers to her most recent inquiries.
And if any more of you have questions for me, leave a comment or email me. Thanks. Love ya.
1. What, if anything, would you change about yourself, physical or otherwise?
Okay, I like being a curvy girl, but if I could I'd lose about 45 lbs. more and have my skin be all tight and not saggy. I'm doing good though. I'm down to 210, from being way up at 275.
2. When was the last time you cried? What happened that made you cry?
The last time I really cried, and I'm talking more than a little eye-watering, was probably during my last down cycle, being depressed. Maybe a month, month and a half ago. I don't remember why, but it could have been any little thing that set it off. I try not to remember why I cry.
3. Do you believe in love at first sight?
I'm not sure. Attraction at first sight, sure. Love takes a while. I've been known to give my heart away too easily, so I'm more guarded lately.
And if any more of you have questions for me, leave a comment or email me. Thanks. Love ya.
1. What, if anything, would you change about yourself, physical or otherwise?
Okay, I like being a curvy girl, but if I could I'd lose about 45 lbs. more and have my skin be all tight and not saggy. I'm doing good though. I'm down to 210, from being way up at 275.
2. When was the last time you cried? What happened that made you cry?
The last time I really cried, and I'm talking more than a little eye-watering, was probably during my last down cycle, being depressed. Maybe a month, month and a half ago. I don't remember why, but it could have been any little thing that set it off. I try not to remember why I cry.
3. Do you believe in love at first sight?
I'm not sure. Attraction at first sight, sure. Love takes a while. I've been known to give my heart away too easily, so I'm more guarded lately.
Monday, June 27, 2005
Answers for Bek
If people were a rainbow of colors what color would you be and why?
I would be red for my hair, green for my Irish ancestry, purple because it's my other favorite color, silver because it is beautiful and pure, and black for lovely, lovely leather.
On the subject of "what would you be", if you were a food what would you be and why?
I would be, now don't laugh, cheese. Stop Laughing! No, I'd be cheese, because there is such a variety of it. Different kinds for different purposes. Different flavors. I think it fits, because my personality has many facets.
What was your biggest heartbreak as a child?
I'd have to say that would be when my Aunt and Uncle (dad's brother) divorced. I was maybe twelve? She was like my second mother. I spent so many summers at her house, she babysat a lot of kids. Turns out he'd been having an affair for quite a while. I hated him for the longest time and wouldn't talk to him. But everyone gets along now. It's in the past.
As an adult (so far)?
Being lied to by someone I thought I knew. I may not be 100% truthful 100% of the time, who is? But I've never lied about such a fundamental aspect of my life. I'd say telling me, and all the rest of my friends, that you're single when you're actually married is a pretty fucking big deal.
What was your most embarassing moment up until now?
I think when I fainted in front of a tenth grade class after giving a speech.
How did you handle it?
Pretended it didn't happen.
Okay, So I could go on forever...Stop me, please...And just because I am not your friend does that mean I don't get tickles??
If I knew you weren't going to slap me for it, sure, I'd tickle you. You're cute.
I would be red for my hair, green for my Irish ancestry, purple because it's my other favorite color, silver because it is beautiful and pure, and black for lovely, lovely leather.
On the subject of "what would you be", if you were a food what would you be and why?
I would be, now don't laugh, cheese. Stop Laughing! No, I'd be cheese, because there is such a variety of it. Different kinds for different purposes. Different flavors. I think it fits, because my personality has many facets.
What was your biggest heartbreak as a child?
I'd have to say that would be when my Aunt and Uncle (dad's brother) divorced. I was maybe twelve? She was like my second mother. I spent so many summers at her house, she babysat a lot of kids. Turns out he'd been having an affair for quite a while. I hated him for the longest time and wouldn't talk to him. But everyone gets along now. It's in the past.
As an adult (so far)?
Being lied to by someone I thought I knew. I may not be 100% truthful 100% of the time, who is? But I've never lied about such a fundamental aspect of my life. I'd say telling me, and all the rest of my friends, that you're single when you're actually married is a pretty fucking big deal.
What was your most embarassing moment up until now?
I think when I fainted in front of a tenth grade class after giving a speech.
How did you handle it?
Pretended it didn't happen.
Okay, So I could go on forever...Stop me, please...And just because I am not your friend does that mean I don't get tickles??
If I knew you weren't going to slap me for it, sure, I'd tickle you. You're cute.
Answers for Mysti
1. If you could choose one person.. living or dead.. to invite for dinner.. who would it be.. and why?
Just one person? Living or dead, so must be a real person I guess. It's really hard to limit myself to one, so I'll say Robin Williams. Simply because whatever else, it would be entertaining. And I wouldn't have to worry about conversational skills or being intelligent enough because that guy can go on and on with no help. And I would videotape it.
2. What would be a perfect date to you?
The perfect date was meeting at a local coffee shop for the first time in real life. Arriving at practically the same time and walking in together. I can't remember what we ordered. I probably got an iced mocha latte and he a tall cranberry juice. Talking and talking. That first touch of his hand on mine. Leaving there towards closing and heading to a bar he knew. I was only 19, so I had some kind of fruity juice. More talking, but it was darker here. That first kiss was wonderful. Then after a while the barmaid told us to cut it out because some of the other (very few) patrons were uncomfortable.
A future perfect date might involve a nice dinner, good conversation, or it might involve me tied up and being whipped and otherwise tortured. Variety is the spice of life!
3. Island, beach, moutains, desert, flowerfilled field with a quiet stream rolling thru, or busy downtown city... which do you prefer most?
Oh, hard choice, for the most part. I could rank them from best to worst. Field with stream, island, mountains, beach, desert, city.
4. What is the most unusual website you'd admit to visiting?
Depends on what you mean by unusual. Weirdest right now would be Pointless Waste of Time. I've probably been to more unusual sites than that, but that's a current one.
5. Favorite guilty pleasures in the following categories: Music, food, movie, tv show, and piece of clothing?
Music: okay, I haven't done it in a loooong time, but I still have somewhere the complete New Kids on the Block tape collection, at least through Step by Step.
Food: really, really dark chocolate. The good stuff, expensive and heavenly. Not just Hershey's, but that will do in a pinch.
Movie: Empire Records.
TV Show: Iron Chef.
Clothing: lovely, long, swishy broomstick skirts.
Just one person? Living or dead, so must be a real person I guess. It's really hard to limit myself to one, so I'll say Robin Williams. Simply because whatever else, it would be entertaining. And I wouldn't have to worry about conversational skills or being intelligent enough because that guy can go on and on with no help. And I would videotape it.
2. What would be a perfect date to you?
The perfect date was meeting at a local coffee shop for the first time in real life. Arriving at practically the same time and walking in together. I can't remember what we ordered. I probably got an iced mocha latte and he a tall cranberry juice. Talking and talking. That first touch of his hand on mine. Leaving there towards closing and heading to a bar he knew. I was only 19, so I had some kind of fruity juice. More talking, but it was darker here. That first kiss was wonderful. Then after a while the barmaid told us to cut it out because some of the other (very few) patrons were uncomfortable.
A future perfect date might involve a nice dinner, good conversation, or it might involve me tied up and being whipped and otherwise tortured. Variety is the spice of life!
3. Island, beach, moutains, desert, flowerfilled field with a quiet stream rolling thru, or busy downtown city... which do you prefer most?
Oh, hard choice, for the most part. I could rank them from best to worst. Field with stream, island, mountains, beach, desert, city.
4. What is the most unusual website you'd admit to visiting?
Depends on what you mean by unusual. Weirdest right now would be Pointless Waste of Time. I've probably been to more unusual sites than that, but that's a current one.
5. Favorite guilty pleasures in the following categories: Music, food, movie, tv show, and piece of clothing?
Music: okay, I haven't done it in a loooong time, but I still have somewhere the complete New Kids on the Block tape collection, at least through Step by Step.
Food: really, really dark chocolate. The good stuff, expensive and heavenly. Not just Hershey's, but that will do in a pinch.
Movie: Empire Records.
TV Show: Iron Chef.
Clothing: lovely, long, swishy broomstick skirts.
Yay!
Woohoo!! I passed the 1000 unique visitor mark sometime today. I know, no big deal, right? But I think it's pretty cool. Go me.
One of my favorite mantras
"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind killer.
Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn my inner eye to see it's path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain."
-From Frank Herbert's Dune
For some situations, it really helps.
Fear is the mind killer.
Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn my inner eye to see it's path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain."
-From Frank Herbert's Dune
For some situations, it really helps.
Hi there
So, for those of you who do check this blog regularly, and I know there aren't many, I have an assignment. Ask me some questions. Please. What do you want to know? What burning question lingers in your mind? I'm an open book. And I'll be really disappointed if you don't. I'll answer anything you ask, or if I can't for some reason, I will tell you why.
Thank you in advance for your participation.
(and for my friends, you better participate, or I'll tickle you)
Thank you in advance for your participation.
(and for my friends, you better participate, or I'll tickle you)
Friday, June 24, 2005
Thank you
You know, I was thinking this morning that while there are many things in my life that still suck, I am really very, very happy at this time and place. I have the world's greatest friends, lots of love, and good times. My heart feels so full.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
No Title, a story by me
(read as internal dialog in my mind)
It's dark. Wait, why is it so dark? What happened? I can't move. I can't move?!! Okay, don't panic. Think. Try and remember what happened.
I was at a party with some friends. Didn't know who's house it was, but it seemed alright. I never drink much, but I'd had a couple, and when someone handed me another I never questioned it. She seemed nice enough. . .
And that's the last thing I remember.
Breathe. Just breathe. It feels like I'm on some kind of bed, mattress anyway. My arms are pulled back behind my head. It feels like my legs are tied apart. Feels kind of cool in here, wherever here is. No wonder, my clothes are gone. And there is something over my eyes.
Light! Around the edges of the blindfold. Maybe someone is coming for me. I'm not sure that's such a good thing. Sound of a door opening. I can hear them breathing. I think they're right next to me. A hand trails up my leg, my torso. I gasp in shock at the touch. A deep voice says, "Don't speak. You will not speak unless asked a direct question," as he pinches and twists my nipple as if in punctuation. I try to turn away, but I can't because of the restraints. "You know it is useless to struggle, girl. So don't waste the effort, you'll need your energy."
What am I doing here? What is he going to do to me? I hear another voice. Sounds like a woman. Will she help me?
"Is she awake yet?"
"Yes. I think she's fully aware of things."
So much for hope of help. I'm so scared. Why am I here?
"Well. Lets make sure. Listen to me, girl. No one knows where you are. As far as your friends know, you left the party with a man you met here. No one is even looking for you yet. Maybe no one will. You will do as you are told, or you will be punished. You will not speak unless we ask you a direct question. We will keep you here as long as we like, and there is nothing you can do about it. Now, do you know who we are?"
As she said that, she took off the blindfold. "Yes. I know who you are. You're the couple who owns the house where the party was. I don't know your names." Oh no, no one knows where I am. No help. No hope of rescue.
"That's alright. You don't need to. Now be quiet."
They're on either side of me . . . touching me . . . running their hands up and down my body. I try so hard not to react. Look at something else. What can I see? It's a small room. White walls, door, and I think I can see a sink. Things in the walls, ceiling. Like hardware of some kind. God, I can't concentrate. This shouldn't feel so good. She's using her nails. Don't react. He's massaging my breasts. Pulling, pinching the nipples. Harder, harder. Ohhhh . . . I can't. Oh no. Hands between my legs. I'm not. I am. Wet. No sane person should enjoy this, right?
"Look here. The little slut is wet already. Let's not disappoint her."
He pulls out this thing from under the bed. A flogger, I think. He starts to brush it over my skin. So soft, almost gentle. Then suddenly he's smacking the inside of my thighs with it. It stings, feels heavy, doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would. But as he continues I can feel it's hot. Stinging, thudding. Hurting. So unreal. She's moving around by my head. I can't tell what she's doing. Suddenly I feel a hard pinch on one nipple, but it doesn't go away. Owww . . . Now the other one. I'm breathing so hard now. Pulse racing. And he's still flogging me. A pause. Before I can catch my breath, I scream. He's not flogging my thighs anymore. Right on my pussy lips! I can't stand it . . .
Right when I think I'll pass out from shock at what is happening it stops. Suddenly she's kissing me, full on the lips, I can feel her tongue. Somehow I can't help but kiss back. I don't know where these feelings are coming from, but I'm so hot and their hands feel so good on me after that flogging. He's on top of me now, my legs released, entering me hard. It should have hurt, but I'm so wet. Well it does hurt abit, but in a strange good way. My thighs and lips feel like they're on fire. And he's pounding against me. The clamps get taken off. Oh my nipples burn.There's a mouth on each of them now. What is wrong with me? Oh, I'm going to come! As I cry out, something inside me gives in. Pain, pleasure, so intertwined.
They let me sleep for a while. Then they come back and start over again. Pleasure and pain, and I can't stop it. Leather and rope. Spanking, pinching, slapping, caressing, feather-light touches over mybody. I'm made to do many things. Any hesitation is punished. Giving in is my only hope of salvation.
Later they say that they'll only keep me for the weekend. I don' t know whether to be disappointed or relieved. But they say I can come back if I want! As much as I want to resist it, I have to admit the possibilities are dazzlingly attractive. I have never felt so free and alive in being captive and unable to escape. It goes round in circles in my head, the intense pain and the beautiful pleasure, staying or fleeing.
Do I leave and never look back? Just tell myself I was forced to do those things. It wasn't really my fault. I couldn't get away.
Or do I return? If I do it is as much as admitting to myself what a little pain/pleasure-slut I really am.
I can't wait until next time.
It's dark. Wait, why is it so dark? What happened? I can't move. I can't move?!! Okay, don't panic. Think. Try and remember what happened.
I was at a party with some friends. Didn't know who's house it was, but it seemed alright. I never drink much, but I'd had a couple, and when someone handed me another I never questioned it. She seemed nice enough. . .
And that's the last thing I remember.
Breathe. Just breathe. It feels like I'm on some kind of bed, mattress anyway. My arms are pulled back behind my head. It feels like my legs are tied apart. Feels kind of cool in here, wherever here is. No wonder, my clothes are gone. And there is something over my eyes.
Light! Around the edges of the blindfold. Maybe someone is coming for me. I'm not sure that's such a good thing. Sound of a door opening. I can hear them breathing. I think they're right next to me. A hand trails up my leg, my torso. I gasp in shock at the touch. A deep voice says, "Don't speak. You will not speak unless asked a direct question," as he pinches and twists my nipple as if in punctuation. I try to turn away, but I can't because of the restraints. "You know it is useless to struggle, girl. So don't waste the effort, you'll need your energy."
What am I doing here? What is he going to do to me? I hear another voice. Sounds like a woman. Will she help me?
"Is she awake yet?"
"Yes. I think she's fully aware of things."
So much for hope of help. I'm so scared. Why am I here?
"Well. Lets make sure. Listen to me, girl. No one knows where you are. As far as your friends know, you left the party with a man you met here. No one is even looking for you yet. Maybe no one will. You will do as you are told, or you will be punished. You will not speak unless we ask you a direct question. We will keep you here as long as we like, and there is nothing you can do about it. Now, do you know who we are?"
As she said that, she took off the blindfold. "Yes. I know who you are. You're the couple who owns the house where the party was. I don't know your names." Oh no, no one knows where I am. No help. No hope of rescue.
"That's alright. You don't need to. Now be quiet."
They're on either side of me . . . touching me . . . running their hands up and down my body. I try so hard not to react. Look at something else. What can I see? It's a small room. White walls, door, and I think I can see a sink. Things in the walls, ceiling. Like hardware of some kind. God, I can't concentrate. This shouldn't feel so good. She's using her nails. Don't react. He's massaging my breasts. Pulling, pinching the nipples. Harder, harder. Ohhhh . . . I can't. Oh no. Hands between my legs. I'm not. I am. Wet. No sane person should enjoy this, right?
"Look here. The little slut is wet already. Let's not disappoint her."
He pulls out this thing from under the bed. A flogger, I think. He starts to brush it over my skin. So soft, almost gentle. Then suddenly he's smacking the inside of my thighs with it. It stings, feels heavy, doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would. But as he continues I can feel it's hot. Stinging, thudding. Hurting. So unreal. She's moving around by my head. I can't tell what she's doing. Suddenly I feel a hard pinch on one nipple, but it doesn't go away. Owww . . . Now the other one. I'm breathing so hard now. Pulse racing. And he's still flogging me. A pause. Before I can catch my breath, I scream. He's not flogging my thighs anymore. Right on my pussy lips! I can't stand it . . .
Right when I think I'll pass out from shock at what is happening it stops. Suddenly she's kissing me, full on the lips, I can feel her tongue. Somehow I can't help but kiss back. I don't know where these feelings are coming from, but I'm so hot and their hands feel so good on me after that flogging. He's on top of me now, my legs released, entering me hard. It should have hurt, but I'm so wet. Well it does hurt abit, but in a strange good way. My thighs and lips feel like they're on fire. And he's pounding against me. The clamps get taken off. Oh my nipples burn.There's a mouth on each of them now. What is wrong with me? Oh, I'm going to come! As I cry out, something inside me gives in. Pain, pleasure, so intertwined.
They let me sleep for a while. Then they come back and start over again. Pleasure and pain, and I can't stop it. Leather and rope. Spanking, pinching, slapping, caressing, feather-light touches over mybody. I'm made to do many things. Any hesitation is punished. Giving in is my only hope of salvation.
Later they say that they'll only keep me for the weekend. I don' t know whether to be disappointed or relieved. But they say I can come back if I want! As much as I want to resist it, I have to admit the possibilities are dazzlingly attractive. I have never felt so free and alive in being captive and unable to escape. It goes round in circles in my head, the intense pain and the beautiful pleasure, staying or fleeing.
Do I leave and never look back? Just tell myself I was forced to do those things. It wasn't really my fault. I couldn't get away.
Or do I return? If I do it is as much as admitting to myself what a little pain/pleasure-slut I really am.
I can't wait until next time.
What is normal?
(This is a re-written, edited version of something I wrote a while back. I was looking through my writings and thought it might make a good post.)
Normal, when applied to an individual's behavior, is defined as not deviating very much from their average behavior. It is an evolving definition as no individual remains static their whole life. I do not mean that everything I have done or will do is "normal." I, like anyone else, am capable of doing something so totally out of the ordinary for me as to be "not normal."
On the other hand, a behavior that is not normal, if repeated, may become normal. As a wise friend told me, "Normal is a lie." Basically, normal, when applied to more than one person, loses meaning. No individual is identical to another. Normal only has concrete definitions in reference to science and mathematics terms.
Normal for me is many things. In the morning I have coffee, check my email and favorite blogs, make sure K is up and has clothes set out, see that the cats and fish are fed, and review what I need to do for the day. On mornings where I have to leave especially early, normal goes out the window. But that too is normal. Normal is coming home in the evening, making dinner, listening to music, maybe a little news, talking to K and relaxing from the day. Normal is reading before I fall asleep. Normal is wanting to keep everyone happy.
Normal is also being very sexual. From the age of thirteen it has been a large part of my life and awareness. It has evolved from learning how my own body functions to exploring the myriad of possibilities that exist in this crazy world. Normal is liking the hair at the back of your head grasped and held while being roughly kissed or having your neck bitten. Normal is wanting the things you're not supposed to want.
Normal is whatever you want it to be. Unfortunately no matter how much we remind ourselves of that, the human tendency is to judge others by our definitions. I just need to keep reminding myself that I am the only one that can truly judge for myself what is normal. See the following references for interesting takes on the definition of normal.
Wikipedia - Normal
Urban Dictionary - Normal
Normal, when applied to an individual's behavior, is defined as not deviating very much from their average behavior. It is an evolving definition as no individual remains static their whole life. I do not mean that everything I have done or will do is "normal." I, like anyone else, am capable of doing something so totally out of the ordinary for me as to be "not normal."
On the other hand, a behavior that is not normal, if repeated, may become normal. As a wise friend told me, "Normal is a lie." Basically, normal, when applied to more than one person, loses meaning. No individual is identical to another. Normal only has concrete definitions in reference to science and mathematics terms.
Normal for me is many things. In the morning I have coffee, check my email and favorite blogs, make sure K is up and has clothes set out, see that the cats and fish are fed, and review what I need to do for the day. On mornings where I have to leave especially early, normal goes out the window. But that too is normal. Normal is coming home in the evening, making dinner, listening to music, maybe a little news, talking to K and relaxing from the day. Normal is reading before I fall asleep. Normal is wanting to keep everyone happy.
Normal is also being very sexual. From the age of thirteen it has been a large part of my life and awareness. It has evolved from learning how my own body functions to exploring the myriad of possibilities that exist in this crazy world. Normal is liking the hair at the back of your head grasped and held while being roughly kissed or having your neck bitten. Normal is wanting the things you're not supposed to want.
Normal is whatever you want it to be. Unfortunately no matter how much we remind ourselves of that, the human tendency is to judge others by our definitions. I just need to keep reminding myself that I am the only one that can truly judge for myself what is normal. See the following references for interesting takes on the definition of normal.
Wikipedia - Normal
Urban Dictionary - Normal
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
This is funny
A hilarious commentary on the state of alt personal ads, found via the fabulous Mistress Matisse.
And this entry from this man is so funny there aren't words, but be sure to look at the picture link at the end. Monk is way hot, and did I mention funny. I'd definitely make a point to visit him if I were ever in Seattle.
And this entry from this man is so funny there aren't words, but be sure to look at the picture link at the end. Monk is way hot, and did I mention funny. I'd definitely make a point to visit him if I were ever in Seattle.
I won't beg . . .
But if you could leave a comment just telling me how you found my site and who you are I would appreciate it. Leave a link to your site too, if you like. If I haven't visited you, I will. Thanks.
Stuff
I've been thinking about a lot of things yesterday and today. Relationships, friendships, and how I deal with them. How I compartmentalize certain things. Pain, sadness, desires, loves, hopes.
Someone screws you over, or whatever the case may be, put that in a little box on the shelf, and when you have time to be pissed, or hurt, or just sad, you open it up and deal with a little bit of it. And when it gets to the point where it will overwhelm you, shut the lid and walk away.
If I felt everything I'm capable of feeling all at once I would literally go insane. So I guess compartmentalizing is a coping mechanism.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The last few months have been amazing. I have friends now. I think. I hope. It's been so long since I've had real friends. And these are the best kind, my kind of friends. See, I should explain.
I've noticed I have boundary issues. I'm working on this.
When I like someone, enough to want to be with, talk to, exchange ideas - ya know, hang with, it almost always turns into sexual feelings. Which prior to this group of friends presented somewhat of a problem. I've always been this way, but most of the time my self control keeps it in check. Good thing I don't have to so much anymore.
When I like someone, really like someone, I like them all the way. Appearance doesn't matter, it's who they are that matters. Which dovetails into my poly feelings and I don't feel like going there right now.
But my judge of character needs fine-tuning too. It never occurred to me to question what someone tells me about themselves. May be naive, but I like to think people are as up-front and honest as I am. I may refrain from saying something, but I don't lie about it.
I may edit this post. Not totally happy with it, but hell, it's my blog and I'll post what I want.
Someone screws you over, or whatever the case may be, put that in a little box on the shelf, and when you have time to be pissed, or hurt, or just sad, you open it up and deal with a little bit of it. And when it gets to the point where it will overwhelm you, shut the lid and walk away.
If I felt everything I'm capable of feeling all at once I would literally go insane. So I guess compartmentalizing is a coping mechanism.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The last few months have been amazing. I have friends now. I think. I hope. It's been so long since I've had real friends. And these are the best kind, my kind of friends. See, I should explain.
I've noticed I have boundary issues. I'm working on this.
When I like someone, enough to want to be with, talk to, exchange ideas - ya know, hang with, it almost always turns into sexual feelings. Which prior to this group of friends presented somewhat of a problem. I've always been this way, but most of the time my self control keeps it in check. Good thing I don't have to so much anymore.
When I like someone, really like someone, I like them all the way. Appearance doesn't matter, it's who they are that matters. Which dovetails into my poly feelings and I don't feel like going there right now.
But my judge of character needs fine-tuning too. It never occurred to me to question what someone tells me about themselves. May be naive, but I like to think people are as up-front and honest as I am. I may refrain from saying something, but I don't lie about it.
I may edit this post. Not totally happy with it, but hell, it's my blog and I'll post what I want.
Monday, June 20, 2005
Happy Summer Solstice
I hope you all take the time to enjoy this, the day of longest light. Turn your face to the sun and feel its warmth. Let the light fill your soul and illuminate the dark corners within.
Love, light, life.
Love, light, life.
Saturday, June 18, 2005
Wonderful
There's something wonderful about having been with someone for a long period of time. They know you. Your reactions, your needs, your patterns, your timing.
Last night and early this morning was just what the doctor ordered. Sometimes I just need to be pushed ever so slightly to go over the edge into total slut mode. And he knows when I want it, when I need it. He knows how I breathe when I'm going to come, so he can keep me on edge forever. Then I come harder than I ever do by myself.
He knows when to grab my hair and direct me to what he wants. He makes me beg for it. Calls me names, talks to me, tells me what I am, and I love it. I eat it up. I'd take rough, exciting, almost violent sex two out of three times.
Man, I'm going to be so sore . . .
Last night and early this morning was just what the doctor ordered. Sometimes I just need to be pushed ever so slightly to go over the edge into total slut mode. And he knows when I want it, when I need it. He knows how I breathe when I'm going to come, so he can keep me on edge forever. Then I come harder than I ever do by myself.
He knows when to grab my hair and direct me to what he wants. He makes me beg for it. Calls me names, talks to me, tells me what I am, and I love it. I eat it up. I'd take rough, exciting, almost violent sex two out of three times.
Man, I'm going to be so sore . . .
Friday, June 17, 2005
I think, given my most recent experiences, I'm going to stick with people I already know as far as any playing. That's pretty much why I stuck with my lovely girl last night. New guys are on the back burner. There are a couple friends I'd really like to play with again, just haven't gotten the chance lately. More later, have to go to work.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
What is real?
I'm still so much in shock. Probably will be for a while. I trusted someone and was lied to. I don't know what was real and what was made up. He had us all fooled. I actually cared about him.
Liar!
Con Artist!
Thanks so much for making it damn near impossible to trust anyone.
You were a good actor.
Liar!
Con Artist!
Thanks so much for making it damn near impossible to trust anyone.
You were a good actor.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
This was sooooo predictable......
You're a "Dirty Fuck".
You're a dirty minded girl and love mixing pain with pleasure.
You take bondage and all that good stuff over romance any day.
If only your parents knew.
What Kind of Fuck Are You?
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva
Friday, June 10, 2005
What is wrong with you people?
Okay, first off, I'm on a couple of personals sites with a searchable profile. Not because I'm seriously looking, but just to see what/who is out there. And I'm well aware that many people put together a profile on a whim. But come on people, grammar, spelling, punctuation, things like that, are important. At least to someone like me. If you can't write basic sentences or if you type in all caps or have a picture of your genitals as your picture, I wouldn't even think of responding to your ad. But I've seen many people rant on this topic, so I'll shut up now. That is all.
My new toy
-well at least for a week. Until I get one of my own.
See, a friend of a friend works with leather. My friend was talking to him about possibly trying to make our own floggers. So he went ahead and made a prototype, which is lying right across my lap as I type. For a first try this is beautiful. (Not that I'm an expert.) It's a navy blue and black flogger.
I'd say the falls are about 15-16 inches. He used clothing grade leather, so its not too heavy. He pointed the tips, which is a nice decorative touch, and gives it a nice sting. We haven't tested it out too much yet, but I like the feel of it so far. A nice thud with just enough sting to make it interesting.
The black has a shiny side and the blue are suede. The handle feels nice, not too long. And while the covering of the handle isn't the really neat braided style you see on expensive floggers, it does have a criss-cross thong decoration, which gives a good grip, and pretty upholstery tacks for decoration. The only thing lacking is a wrist loop at the end.
But. The most awesome part? This friend is going to teach us how to make them. He's even going to provide the leather/glue/tools. All we have to do is bring our own dowel and suede if we want it. And other than that, it's free. As in no charge. No money. Zero.
So now, as cheesy as it's always sounded to me, I can practice a bit on a pillow or something. At least this week. Oh I can't wait until I get my own.
See, a friend of a friend works with leather. My friend was talking to him about possibly trying to make our own floggers. So he went ahead and made a prototype, which is lying right across my lap as I type. For a first try this is beautiful. (Not that I'm an expert.) It's a navy blue and black flogger.
I'd say the falls are about 15-16 inches. He used clothing grade leather, so its not too heavy. He pointed the tips, which is a nice decorative touch, and gives it a nice sting. We haven't tested it out too much yet, but I like the feel of it so far. A nice thud with just enough sting to make it interesting.
The black has a shiny side and the blue are suede. The handle feels nice, not too long. And while the covering of the handle isn't the really neat braided style you see on expensive floggers, it does have a criss-cross thong decoration, which gives a good grip, and pretty upholstery tacks for decoration. The only thing lacking is a wrist loop at the end.
But. The most awesome part? This friend is going to teach us how to make them. He's even going to provide the leather/glue/tools. All we have to do is bring our own dowel and suede if we want it. And other than that, it's free. As in no charge. No money. Zero.
So now, as cheesy as it's always sounded to me, I can practice a bit on a pillow or something. At least this week. Oh I can't wait until I get my own.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Turn-ons (in no particular order)
- deep kissing
- biting, nibbling - on my neck or anywhere
- fingernails - being scratched, lightly or hard
- feather light touches
- having my hair pulled
- my neck period
- having my nipples pinched and played with
- having my pussy lips slapped or pinched or pulled
- having my head held in place while I give oral
- feel of a cock in my mouth
- feel of a clit under my tongue
- feel of a nipple on my lips
- burying my face in a woman's breasts
- being blindfolded
- my hands bound behind my back
- having my nipples clamped
- the feel of a flogger
- a voice whispering naughty things in my ear
- being told exactly what will be done to me
- and then having it done
This is just a quick list. I'll probably add to it.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
I just love the lyrics from this song
Nickleback - Figured You Out
I like your pants around your feet
I like the dirt that's on your knees
And I like the way you still say please
While you're looking up at me
You're like my favourite damn disease
And I love the places that we go
And I love the people that you know
And I love the way you can't say no
Too many long lines in a row
I love the powder on your nose
Ooooh And now I know who you are
It wasn't that hard
Just to figure you out
And now I know who you are
It wasn't that hard
Just to figure you out
I like the freckles on your chest
And I like the way you like me best
And I like the way you're not impressed,
While you put me to the test
I like the wine stains on your dress
I like your pants around your feet
I like the dirt that's on your knees
And I like the way you still say please
While you're looking up at me
You're like my favourite damn disease
And I love the places that we go
And I love the people that you know
And I love the way you can't say no
Too many long lines in a row
I love the powder on your nose
Ooooh And now I know who you are
It wasn't that hard
Just to figure you out
And now I know who you are
It wasn't that hard
Just to figure you out
I like the freckles on your chest
And I like the way you like me best
And I like the way you're not impressed,
While you put me to the test
I like the wine stains on your dress
Monday, June 06, 2005
Have you ever...?
snuck out of the house - Yes
gotten lost in your city - no
seen a shooting star - Yes
been to any other countries besides Canada - no
had a serious surgery - not unless you count getting your tonsils out, and I don't
gone out in public in your pajamas - no
kissed a stranger - no, but I have kissed people I've just met
hugged a stranger - Yes
been in a fist fight - no
laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose - yes
pushed all the buttons on an elevator - of course I have
swore at your parents - my dad, yes
been in love - yes
been close to love - Yes
been to a casino - No
been skydiving - No. No. No. Most definitely not.
skinny dipped - Yes
skipped school - Yes
seen a therapist - Yes
done the splits - no, but I can suck my toes
played spin the bottle - Oh yeah
gotten stitches - no
drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour - No
bitten someone - Yes
been to Niagara Falls - yes
gotten the chicken pox - Yes
kissed a member of the opposite sex - as often as possible
crashed into a friend's car - no
been to Japan - No.
ridden in a taxi - yes, in New York. I don't recommend it.
been dumped - yes
shoplifted - No
been fired - No
had a crush on someone of the same sex - yes
had feelings for someone who didn't have them back - yes
gone on a blind date - Yes
lied to a friend - Yes
had a crush on a teacher - yes
celebrated Mardi-Gras in new Orleans - No
been to Europe - No.
slept with a co-worker - no
been married - No
gotten divorced - No
had children - No
seen someone die - no
been to Africa - no
driven over 400 miles in one day - No, but I've been a passenger
been to US - live here
been to Mexico - No
been to India - No
been on a plane - Yes
seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show - Yes
thrown up in a bar - No
purposely set a part of myself on fire - no
eaten sushi - No
been skiing/snowboarding - No
met someone in person from the internet - Yes, I live with him
gone to college/university - yes
graduated college/university - yes
fired a gun - yes
purposely hurt yourself - yes
taken painkillers - yes
been intimate with someone of the same gender - yes
gotten lost in your city - no
seen a shooting star - Yes
been to any other countries besides Canada - no
had a serious surgery - not unless you count getting your tonsils out, and I don't
gone out in public in your pajamas - no
kissed a stranger - no, but I have kissed people I've just met
hugged a stranger - Yes
been in a fist fight - no
laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose - yes
pushed all the buttons on an elevator - of course I have
swore at your parents - my dad, yes
been in love - yes
been close to love - Yes
been to a casino - No
been skydiving - No. No. No. Most definitely not.
skinny dipped - Yes
skipped school - Yes
seen a therapist - Yes
done the splits - no, but I can suck my toes
played spin the bottle - Oh yeah
gotten stitches - no
drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour - No
bitten someone - Yes
been to Niagara Falls - yes
gotten the chicken pox - Yes
kissed a member of the opposite sex - as often as possible
crashed into a friend's car - no
been to Japan - No.
ridden in a taxi - yes, in New York. I don't recommend it.
been dumped - yes
shoplifted - No
been fired - No
had a crush on someone of the same sex - yes
had feelings for someone who didn't have them back - yes
gone on a blind date - Yes
lied to a friend - Yes
had a crush on a teacher - yes
celebrated Mardi-Gras in new Orleans - No
been to Europe - No.
slept with a co-worker - no
been married - No
gotten divorced - No
had children - No
seen someone die - no
been to Africa - no
driven over 400 miles in one day - No, but I've been a passenger
been to US - live here
been to Mexico - No
been to India - No
been on a plane - Yes
seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show - Yes
thrown up in a bar - No
purposely set a part of myself on fire - no
eaten sushi - No
been skiing/snowboarding - No
met someone in person from the internet - Yes, I live with him
gone to college/university - yes
graduated college/university - yes
fired a gun - yes
purposely hurt yourself - yes
taken painkillers - yes
been intimate with someone of the same gender - yes
Sunday, June 05, 2005
Love and Bondage Night
This club I go to once or twice a week has a "Love and Bondage" night every two months, which isn't nearly enough for my tastes. This is where they open up the adjoining dungeon to the club, so you can go in, use the equipment, toys, etc. Watch people get whipped or otherwise tortured. It is very fun.
I had fun showing some friends around who had never been in the dungeon before. Saw lots of fun things. People playing with a violet wand, people on the cross getting flogged. And there were some things I never would have believed had I not seen it for myself. Amazing.
I'll write more later, right now I have things I need to do.
I had fun showing some friends around who had never been in the dungeon before. Saw lots of fun things. People playing with a violet wand, people on the cross getting flogged. And there were some things I never would have believed had I not seen it for myself. Amazing.
I'll write more later, right now I have things I need to do.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
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