Stuff

I've been thinking about a lot of things yesterday and today. Relationships, friendships, and how I deal with them. How I compartmentalize certain things. Pain, sadness, desires, loves, hopes.

Someone screws you over, or whatever the case may be, put that in a little box on the shelf, and when you have time to be pissed, or hurt, or just sad, you open it up and deal with a little bit of it. And when it gets to the point where it will overwhelm you, shut the lid and walk away.

If I felt everything I'm capable of feeling all at once I would literally go insane. So I guess compartmentalizing is a coping mechanism.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

The last few months have been amazing. I have friends now. I think. I hope. It's been so long since I've had real friends. And these are the best kind, my kind of friends. See, I should explain.

I've noticed I have boundary issues. I'm working on this.

When I like someone, enough to want to be with, talk to, exchange ideas - ya know, hang with, it almost always turns into sexual feelings. Which prior to this group of friends presented somewhat of a problem. I've always been this way, but most of the time my self control keeps it in check. Good thing I don't have to so much anymore.

When I like someone, really like someone, I like them all the way. Appearance doesn't matter, it's who they are that matters. Which dovetails into my poly feelings and I don't feel like going there right now.

But my judge of character needs fine-tuning too. It never occurred to me to question what someone tells me about themselves. May be naive, but I like to think people are as up-front and honest as I am. I may refrain from saying something, but I don't lie about it.

I may edit this post. Not totally happy with it, but hell, it's my blog and I'll post what I want.