Yet another internal debate

It has come up recently in a couple of conversations, my realization that I could take or leave swinging. I'm just not as into it as some people I see. I don't have personal ads out everywhere, I'm not on a bunch of message board groups, and it doesn't bother me. My last few experiences at it with people other than my friends have been less than thrilling anyway. The sex aspect of it is nice, but what I've really been after is that connection with people. The friendships, the intimacy that comes with knowing someone for more than an evening.

I have what I've always wanted, what I need. I have my partners, both primary and secondary, my intimate friends, and other good friends. I don't remember being this happy ever. But I know from experience that I should still get out there and meet new people. If I don't I will get too settled and stagnant. Can't have that now can we?

Besides, I don't think I could just quit going to the swing club I like to go to, even if I only went to see friends. Speaking of which, I need to get my butt up there this Thursday. I think it's been three weeks since my last time, which is totally out of character.

Spanking and Freezie pops

Thursday I visited some friends after work, hi Mysti and Wulfie, watched a silly movie, then spent the night at my boyfriend, Southpaw's house. As usual, we were up quite late.

The next morning was quite fun. Among other activities, I got a very good spanking. For a supposedly "vanilla" guy, he's getting really good at this. At first I was laying prone on the bed, and after he'd been at it awhile and I was quite warm, he got up. I thought it was over, but he told me to stay face down where I was.

He was gone for a minute, and when he came back I felt a delicious coolness as he slid something icy over my warm behind. It didn't take me long to realize it wasn't an ice cube. Of all things it was a plastic freezie pop, cherry I think.

Well, he then warmed me up again, and shortly had me reposition myself over his knees as he sat on the edge of the bed. This was a first. I'd never before had an over the knee spanking. I truly thought I was going to fall, but he didn't let me. This was, if anything, more wonderfully intense than it had been before.

And there is nothing more wonderful than hearing the words "I love you" as you're being well spanked!

Googlisms

I found this bit of fun on Lock and Ki, a very interesting blog I've just started reading. I, too, am a big fan of Google. It's my home page. I especially like the new map feature, much better than mapquest.

To do this, go to Googlism and enter your name.

These are some of my favorite results from my middle name:

noel is talked about by the daemons
noel is the best
noel is very talented
noel is related to the giant sloth
noel is the only person nookie will let take her out of the nook
noel is one of them
noel is rather a study in contradictions
noel is gay
noel is a great player and a great teacher
noel is completely distracted
noel is unimpressed about the suggestion
noel is another hanging faery
noel is the joker of the pack
noel is without a doubt the best christmas present we've ever received
noel is happy

It is what it is

My lips can still taste his. I can smell him on me. I can feel my skin still tingling from his touch, particularly the posterior portion of me *weg*. What a natural. He says that I'm a good teacher, but you know what I think? I think he knew all along, but didn't know it until now. If that makes sense. I know I'm being vague. Vagueness is all I have at the moment. Concrete definitions cannot exist here. The few things I know for certain are that I love him and he loves me and we just fit.

Leaving him this morning was very hard.

Coming home wasn't, though. I missed K and my kitties. And there was a nice note awaiting me from K. Had some cheerios and juice, and I'll be off to work in a while. I know I won't be able to see him that often . . . the most I can hope for is maybe once a week . . . if that. But it will be enough, as long as he is in my life.

Collide - Howie Day

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find, you and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know
I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find, you and I collide

Don't stop here
I've lost my place
I'm close behind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find, you and I collide

You finally find, you and I collide
You finally find, you and I collide

On the edge I stand, looking out at something beautiful, gorgeous beyond compare.

That is a sentence I wrote the morning of August 2nd. The day before seeing my new love for only the second time. I've since stepped over the edge and landed safely in his arms. Another piece of the puzzle that is my heart has been fitted. I love you my darling!

A fun little blog game from Bek :

Again, here are the instructions:
1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions -- each person's will be different.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Here are the five questions I was given by Bek:

1. If you could ask one question of an alien race knowing that in their infinite wisdom and technology they would have the answer and they had to answer honestly - what would you ask them?

How can we continue to progress technologically without killing ourselves and our planet?

2. If you could be a fish/ocean critter what would you be and why?

I would be a dolphin, because they are beautiful, intelligent, and funny. They also look quite mischievous.

3. Is it better to have a goal and not achieve it than to not have a goal at all?

Yes. Without goals, what is the point of anything? Nothing would get done. Even at the basest levels we have the goals of water, food, shelter, and love.

4. Realistically, how many times a week would you have sex, assuming it was up to you?

Okay, assuming it's a good week, I'm not on my period, and have a partner or three available . . . I'd say at least once a day, if not more.

5. Think about this one hard....what is the one thing that turns you on the most, like if you think of it you are instantly in the mood?

There are many answers as there are many things that turn me on. With one person it might be the way they pull my hair back hard, with another a long, hard passionate kiss, and another the way they run their fingernails across my skin.

Love is Not Finite

I know I've read about this topic somewhere, so I'm not entirely sure which ideas are mine and which are the bits and pieces I've picked up elsewhere. Therefore I do not claim originality with anything I say here. It's all been percolating in my brain for a long time anyway. It is at the heart of who I really am, for me, at the core of my identity as polyamorous.

Love is a strange and mysterious substance.

Love goes by many names: caring, affection, adoration, fondness, devotion.

Some people insist on treating love as something that can be divided and distributed, where the pieces eventually run out. However, I disagree. Love is not a commodity to be parceled out. You won't eventually run out of love. There is always more there, an infinite supply.

The more love that is in your heart, the more people you love, the more intense is that love. It expands to fill whatever space is available. It connects hearts distant in time and space. Love multiplies, it should not divide.

Can't wait

A couple of months ago I got introduced to a friend of a friend. His name is Southpaw. Turns out he's really good with leather, among other things, and has been working on making my friends and I some toys. Hopefully I can learn how to do some things from him too.

Anyway, we've gotten to be really good friends since then. And I'm so freakin' excited! I'm on vacation this week, and I'm going to go spend Wednesday with him! I think he has my restraints ready . . . and I'll get a custom fitting! Guess what? They are purple! Yay! So, hopefully I'll get him to take some pictures of me modeling them that I can post.

And did I mention I get to spend the whole day with him?

. . . yummy . . .

Miscommunication?

It's not really anyone's fault. We each left things unsaid.

Okay, a little background . . . my S.O. and I and some friends regularly go to this club. Last night was one of their special nights, they call Love & Bondage. You know, whips, leather, screaming . . . it's all good. I'm really into this . . . him not so much.

I had made special arrangements to have my vacation scheduled to start that day, so I wouldn't have to worry about working the next day. Had everything ready to go. I was very disappointed that one couple I know couldn't attend, but was determined to have fun anyway. My S.O., K, wasn't really feeling up to going, but friends had asked if he was coming and I really wanted him to go, so I talked him into coming anyway.

Miscommunication #1: He apparently did not know it was L&B night, even though he is just as capable of looking at a calendar as I am, and, hint hint, I was wearing my collar. (Yes I am somewhat submissive, but I don't belong to anyone at the moment, and if I choose to wear a collar I will and it's none of your business if I choose to do so. Okay?) I don't wear it very often at all, these are some of the few nights I do.

(Sidenote: I'm discovering I really like being the one administering the swats too. Interesting.)

Miscommunication #2: One of our friends had made the statement on several occasions that she really wanted to see K and hoped he would come up and join us at the club. He doesn't come that often anymore. This was apparently interpreted in more than a friendly way by him and was the cause of some disappointment. That's all I'm going to say about that.

So, at the beginning of the evening I'd been contemplating asking a very lovely Lady if she would like to be very mean to me, but things happened and while I did have fun, it didn't go as I would have liked. Who knows, I probably would have chickened out before asking her anyway.

More things about me

1. I have three cats, Mattie May, Jezebel Lou, and Gracie Jean Marie (those are their long names, the ones I yell when they're being bad.)
2. I have three fish, Fred and Ethel, who are goldfish, and Alfie, the algae eater.
3. I've had many cats, two Scottish terriers, a hampster, and a guinea pig.
4. I like coffee, good coffee, but I've been drinking mostly green tea lately.
5. My mood changes like the wind.
6. I don't usually eat breakfast.
7. I could live on pizza.
8. I like things spicy, but not too hot, but not everything.
9. I like to cook and bake, but I hate to clean up.
10. I don't like really hot humid weather.
11. I love to be touched.
12. I love intense sensation.
13. I'm ticklish, but I can control my response to it.
14. I usually think with my heart first, my head second.
15. I'm not at all organized.
16. I never picked up my senior yearbook from high school.
17. I'll re-read a favorite book many times.
18. I'm afraid that I will always like people more than they like me.
19. I don't like asking for help.
20. I'm afraid of rejection.

Something fun and interesting

A friend introduced me to OKCupid a little while ago. It's a fun site where you can take quizzes people make up, answer questions to determine your compatibility with other people, have a profile and pictures, and connect with people and make friends.

It's free and fun, if you like that kind of thing. Maybe, if you ask me nicely, I'll give you the link so you can see my profile.

Yay!

Cedar Point was fun. I hadn't been there in years. It wasn't a perfect day, but it was, if you know what I mean. Yes it was hot, humid, and rained off and on, but I got to spend time with the greatest people. Rode a few rides, walked a lot, people-watched, got soaked in the rain and twice on Thunder Canyon. I'm still a bit tired and sore, but it was so worth it. I had a blast, people!

Hi, missed me?

Not too much going on lately. Been working a lot and looking for a new job. Went out last night and had much fun. I met a nice couple, the woman was really cute and very cool, and I got her phone number. Woohoo!!! Tomorrow I'm going to Cedar Point with some friends, which should be very cool. I'm also hoping to make up for some past missed opportunities in the coming weeks.

People I would not kick out of my bed

• Vin Diesel
• Brad Pitt
• Angelina Jolie
• John Cusak
• Gwen Stefani
• Jon BonJovi
• Kevin Spacey
• Jessica Alba
• Chad Kroeger
• Toby Keith
• Kenney Chesney

Things I've been thinking about

• finding a new job
• my relationships with people
• various forms of kink
• what is my kink? Do I have one?
• playing
• getting organized
• what I would like to write about

As you can see, I'm kind of scattered at the moment. Nothing seems to be gelling into a coherent post. Ah well, there's always tomorrow.

Bek's photo assignment

I was going to do this anyway, since Mysti pointed it out, but after a direct request, who can resist?

This is a picture of Mackinac Bridge in Michigan. That is pronounced Mack-in-aw, not Mack-in-ack. It connects the upper peninsula to the lower part of Michigan. It is really long and fun to drive over, which I think I've done at least four times, if not more. My family and I used to go camping a lot. Often in Michigan and Minnesota. And I've taken the ferry twice to Mackinac Island, where no cars are allowed. Most things on the island are delivered by horse or bike. And there's a fort. Lots of neat historical stuff. It's all so beautiful. But I wouldn't go swimming in the lake, too cold.

My thoughts and prayers are with you

To all the people in London and people everywhere coping with and fighting terrorism, my thoughts, prayers and energy are in your direction. I can hope for better things to come, but my cynical nature tells me that those who wish harm on others will not change any time soon.

I know....

I haven't posted in a while. It was a busy weekend, work and picnics. And I'm trying to catch up on housework I've neglected. Also the search for a better job goes on. There are a few possibilities, but I'd be so much better off if I lived in a bigger city. Maybe I'll write a story or something to post. I'll even take requests or suggestions.

One word . . .

I saw this on another journal, thought it might be fun.

Please leave a one-word comment that you think best describes me.
It can only be one word.
No more.
Then copy & paste this in your journal so that other people may leave a word about you.

Also, if I don't know you, please introduce yourself.